The children pictured have the advantage of a tremendous father. Dads matter. They matter more than most of us realize. Time and time again, I counsel adults who have been deprived the benefit of a kind and loving father. What makes children happy, confident and secure? The answer is elevation, by both mother and father. If the father situation is not possible, a caring male figure can also help. In this situation, Dan's kids are fortunate to have him in their lives. Grandfathers, uncles, mentors can help, too.
Positive feedback and loving concern give children the sense of things being secure in the world, regardless of what happens outside the home. A disapproving mother or a demanding and controlling father are poison to a developing mind. Unconditional love, kind thoughts and support mean everything to a child. Anger and self-hatred from the parent means the same traits passed to the child.
Multi-generational abuse is a problem in many homes. The anxiety and depression of the parent flows down to the children, making them dysfunctional in relationships for most of their lives. This snowball of pain keeps rolling down the mountain, gaining size of dysfunction with each new generation. It even influences DNA for the next generations.
Multi-generational elevation is also possible. It is when the suffering parent forces themselves to choose positive over negative---kindness over cruelty---and love—always, always, over anger.
From Corinthians 13:1…….
“4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.”
Love always protects. Love always trusts. Love always carries hope and belief that we are all loved by our Creator, allowing us to pass along that love to other humans.
When you become angry with a child, consider the violence upon their psychological health. Yes, you need to correct bad behavior. Yes, you surely need to enforce decency and good citizenship. However, the correction must be made in the name of love, not anger. The old saying of “this is going to hurt me more than it does you”, rings true for the truly loving parent. It should hurt to scold. It should make us sad to see kids grounded to their room. However, if we teach with love in our hearts, the lesson is learned in a positive way.
Live by the words of Paul’s message to the Corinthians. Rejoice in the love you feel from above, even if you didn’t have the love you should have felt from your earthly parents. Be confident in your love and share it openly with your children. They will learn to be confident, strong, kind and the people you hope for them to be.
#parenting #child development #children
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